They say the best way to a person’s heart is through their stomach, more specifically: feed them bacon.
It doesn’t seem to matter in what form anymore; there are a million options from bacon ice cream to those little bacon bits you can sprinkle over any meal to give it that extra unhealthy kick.
It’s an odd world we live in where our every necessity can be replaced with a bacon version…
You’re having a shower, make sure you get the bacon soap into all those hard to reach places. Brush your teeth with some bacon toothpaste. Don’t forget the bacon floss, how else are you ever going to get that nagging bit of bacon rind out from between your back teeth? Whack on your bacon underwear, and you’re almost ready for a night on the town. It’s Halloween; why not dress up like bacon? There are plenty of outfit options available (it’s been done since 1894). Don’t forget your bacon wallet!
When you get to the bar, order a bacon vodka martini. Ask the bartender to sprinkle bacon salt around the edge of the glass. You meet a girl. Maybe you say: “You bacon me crazy” (She might be easily impressed). Those bacon condoms you bought earlier might come in handy, if you’re lucky. If you don’t score though, not to worry, you can always go home and play a bacon game, or make a bacon sandwich. After all bacon is better than sex, well some Canadians think so.
So what is this obsession? What it is about cooking a pig’s fattiest parts that makes the mouths of the whole human race water (mine included)? Well that’s just it isn’t it, fat. It’s addictive to a certain extent, I mean it’s not cocaine, as some might say, but it’s not easy to stop. NPR labelled it a “gateway meat” because the high fat content “speaks to our evolutionary quest for calories”. According to the New York Times it “rewards the brain with instant feelings of pleasure.” Maybe that’s the secret, I don’t know, all that’s certain is that I need a bacon sandwich.